Onwards And Downwards

Greetings Sir R-----! Might I suggest that you take one of these spiced beef pies and a mug of mulled cider to stave off this winter chill? And perhaps a wager to fire the blood?

Good man! Good man!

I propose a game that ever puts me in mind of my ill-fated expedition to recover for the glory of the Empress of Russia the priceless Amulet of Yendor from the very depths of Hell.

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The Rich Get Richer

Sir R-----! I must say that it is a relief to have the company of a fellow nobleman in these distressing times. That I have had to sell not one, but two of my several hundred antiquities to settle the burden of tax that this oppressive democracy has put upon me, simply to enrich slugabeds I might add, is quite intolerable!

Come, let us drown our sorrows whilst we still have the means to do so and engage in a little sport to raise our spirits.

I have a fancy for a game that I used to play when I was the Russian ambassador to the Rose Tree Valley commune. Founded by the philosopher queen Zway Remington as a haven for downtrodden wealthy industrialists, it was the purest of pure meritocracies; no handouts to the idle labouring classes there!

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Good heavens Sir R----- you look quite pallid! Come take a seat and let me fetch you a measure of rum to restore your humors.
To further improve your sanguinity might I suggest a small wager?

Splendid fellow!

I have in mind a game invented to commemorate my successfully quashing the Caribbean zombie uprising some few several years ago. Now, as I'm sure you well know, zombies have ever been a persistent, if sporadic, scourge of those islands. On that occasion, however, there arose a formidable leader from amongst their number; the zombie Lord J------ the Insensate.

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Quaker's Dozen

Sir R-----, my fine friend! The coming of spring always puts one in excellent spirits, do you not find? Speaking of which, come join me in a glass of this particularly peaty whiskey with which we might toast her imminent arrival!

Might I tempt you with a little sport to quicken the blood still further?

It lifts my soul to hear it Sir!

I have in mind a game that I learned when in passage to the new world with a company of twelve Quakers. I was not especially relishing the prospect of yet another monotonous transatlantic crossing and so you can imagine my relief when I spied the boisterous party embarking, dressed in the finest silks and satins and singing a bawdy tavern ballad as they took turns at a bottle of what looked like a very fine brandy indeed!

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Lucky Sevens

Greetings Sir R-----! This evening's chill wind might be forgiven some of its injurious assault upon me by delivering me some good company as I warm my bones. Come, shed your coat and join me in a glass of this rather delightful mulled cyder!

Might you be interested in a little sport whilst we recover?


This foul zephyr puts me in mind of the infantile conflict between King Oberon and Queen Titania that was in full force during my first visit to the faerie kingdom. I had arrived there quite by accident but fortunately my reputation was sufficient to earn me an invitation to dine at the King's table. That the fare was sumptuous beyond the dreams of mortal man goes without saying, but the conflict between the King and his consort cast something of a shadow upon the evening.

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Share And Share Alike

Sir R----- my fine fellow! Come join me in quenching this summer eve's thirst with a tankard of cold ale! Might I presume that your thirst for wager is as pressing as that for refreshment?

I am gladdened to hear it Sir! Gladdened to hear it indeed!

This day's sweltering heat has put me in mind of the time that I found myself temporarily misplaced in the great Caloris rainforest on Mercury. I had been escorting the Velikovsky expedition, which had secured the patronage of the Russian Imperial court for its mission to locate the source of the Amazon, and on one particularly close evening our encampment was attacked by a band of Salamanders which, unlike their diminutive Earthly cousins, stood some eight feet tall and wielded vicious looking barbed spears.

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Greetings Sir R-----! I trust that I find you in good spirit? Will you join me in a draught of this rather fine Cognac and perchance some sporting diversion?

Good man!

I propose a game that ever puts me in mind of an adventure of mine in the town of Bağçasaray, where I was posted after General Lacy had driven Khan Fetih Giray out from therein. I had received word that the Khan was anxious to retake the town and been given orders to hold it at all costs.

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Turnabout Is Fair Play

Why, you look chilled to the bone Sir R-----! Come sit by the hearth and warm yourself whilst I fetch you a medicinal glass of brandy.
To your very good health sir! Will you join me in a wager whilst you recover?

Good show!

I propose a game that I learned upon the banks of the river Styx whilst my fellow travellers and I were waiting for the ferry. This being the third time that I had died, I was quite accustomed to the appalling service quality of the Hadean public transport system and so was most appreciative of a little sport to pass the time.

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One Against Many

Sir R-----! Might I presume that you are of a mood for a glass and a wager?

Good fellow! Stout fellow! Come join me in a draught!

I suggest a game oft played in the fair land of Lyonesse which, contrary to historical record, has not forever sunk beneath the waves, but has rather through some oversight been quite forgot in all our atlases.
I had been invited to banquet with the King of that fair and fecund realm, but arrived to find his court in disarray; the Queen had been stolen away by the foul Lord Maleagant! Naturally, I immediately put myself at my host's disposal and set off to rescue his fair bride.

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High Rollers

Sir R-----, my fine fellow, it does my heart good to see you upon this summer's eve! Will you take a glass of muscatel and, perchance, a wager?

As I should have expected, you have not disappointed me sir!

Might I propose a game native to the Isle of Cockaigne, that land of plenty where the fountains run with this elixir, where the vintners string up their vines with sausages and where, whensoever it rains, it rains gravy?

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