South Seas Roll 'Em


South Seas Roll 'Em

Hail and well met Sir R-----! As ever, it is my very great pleasure to invite you to join me in a glass of restorative spirits and perhaps a little sport.
Why you seem pained my friend; what ails you?

Your back, you say?

It so happens that I have in my possession a quantity of snake oil liniment prepared by the master apothecaries of the South Sea Floating City, of which I can vouchsafe efficacy.

I travelled to that remarkable city after my ill-fated expedition to the South Americas during which I discovered, and subsequently forgot, the location of the fabled City of Gold. Fortuitously, I came away from my adventure with a solid gold pillow with which I was able to secure accommodation in the city's most luxurious hostelry during its passage back to Europe.
The journey was, for the most part, a pleasant one during which I sampled the finest comestibles known to man. Had we not been set upon by the notoriously belligerent South Sea Dragon I should have considered it one of the most pleasant, not to say the most splendidly provisioned, journeys that I ever undertook.
The Dragon set upon the city on a warm Tuesday, during afternoon tea. I was sitting outside a charming bistro in the French quarter enjoying a particularly excellent slice of cake when he descended upon us with a terrible roar. I immediately leapt to the defence of the city with the closest weapon to hand; my dessert fork.
With men falling to his fiery wrath all about me, I charged him. As he opened his jaw, enveloped me in flame and roasted me alive, I leapt onto his tongue and drove my diminutive trident through his palate and into his brain, killing him instantly. If I hadn't had access to that miraculous liniment I suspect that my complexion might have been permanently affected.
I passed the several hours of my convalescence at dice with my consulting apothecary in a game that is most popular amongst their number.
Perhaps you too might appreciate such diversion from your discomfort?


Their game consists of up to four turns casting a pair of dice and will cost you nine coins to play. At each turn, both dice must be cast and you may then elect to forfeit your remaining turns and collect their sum as your prize if you haven't the nerve to chance a greater bounty.
That loathsome student acquaintance of mine, upon hearing these rules, started squawking on about how he expected his condition to improve over the future, although, given his record, I should expect it to degrade to dribbling incomprehension in short order.
Now, take another drink and a moment to decide whether you shall play!

Based upon an article I wrote for ACCU's CVu magazine.

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